how can something so wrong feel so right?

i must be going crazy...


and i cant believe i did it..
the first time in my life...
yes..im definitely crazy.

i missed you

It has finally arrived. After 5 long months of absence, it has finally decided that it has put me through sufficient torture and worry and its time to stop.

funnny thing is.. im actually going through a pretty rough patch at the moment.. even if it decided to 'forgive' me, now shouldnt be the time, theoretically speaking.

after much deep thought and reflection, i have come to a conclusion..i guess i must have been carrying so much emotional load all these months without knowing.. And its my body's silent way of trying to communicate to me but i was deaf to its cries..
And now.. finally i have let go... i guess the internal turmoil is gone..
i guess i nv did realise how much an emotional burden it was to me..

As sad as i may be.. this is prob the best choice for me.. bcos i have finally found some peace within..

My life is going to hell..Personal life is in a mess, school work is also in a mess..in class but not exactly in class. lost my precious thumb drive yesterday to top it off..
all my work is in there.. my almost completed assignments.. and my previously completely assignments.. all gone. i dun mind about the completed ones.. its the almost due but not submitted ones that really gutted me. i have to redo them.. and i have already forgotten what i had written.

i know i will get through this.. the way i always did in the past.. but the amount of suffering i have to go through..i just hope it will not break me...

because i already feel broken...

World news?

Cant rem when was the last time i clicked on straits time webpage icon.. its been a while. I guess at the moment right now, there is no bigger news than the mess called My Life...

i know im probably going to regret this in years to come when i think back about it. but right now.. at this very moment.. i know this is the right thing to do.

i guess the saying is true.. time and tide waits for no man.

Im thoroughly exhausted but i will not give up.
The finishing line is already in sight.. i can see it from afar..
Everyone is rooting for me..even myself.
It has been a gruelling journey..
A journey of steep learning curve.. and also a journey of self-discovery.
I still may not have all the answers.. nor know exactly everything about what i want in life.. but im definitely closer to the answers than before.
Im cherishing every minute i have left in this place.
SMIL. :)

Start of the week

Woke up feeling so exhausted. stayed in sch till 1am this morn.. and got woken up at 6am by chatting in the house.. Truely and utterly tests the limits of my will power..

although im seriously exhausted, somehow i can still find some strands of strength to condt to go to sch and study. Maybe its because its the final lap already.. whatever the reason is, i hope it will condt to keep me going till my exams r over..pls..

jia you!!

Time is just flying by so quickly..

i have lost track of time.. sunday seems like monday and tuesday seems like friday. It really doesnt matter which day of the week it is anymore.. Most days im in the uni, doesnt matter whether its sunday, monday or tuesday. Home has become just a place where i bathe and sleep. And in case you are wondering, things are fine at home. Minimum interaction = minimal friction. haha no lah its not that bad. I really got heaps of work to do and uni is just a tad more productive than home.. especially when they may have random guests coming to the house and obviously i cant tell them to shut up right? :p

Gave myself a break/day off on friday and went pubbing with some of my classmates at northbridge. Pretty happening place but the DJ sux, as usual. I guess since most pple are drunk by 11pm, there realy isnt any QC loh..Haiz. So pple like me who only has 1-2 drinks max have to suffer. Oh well, at least the company was good. 5 girls n 1 guy. 3 asians n 3 angmohs. Very interesting to see the difference in culture. haha. Then there is this british guy who came over to talk to me.. Flattering but nah not interested. He didnt even have much of the cute british accent left anymore, after staying in aussieland for 6 yrs, or so he said. Even more not interested. haha.

We stayed till about 1.30am, then decided to leave cos 1. music was getting from bad to worse 2. everyone was tired. But the 2 angmoh classmates wanted to condt pubbing so they left for another pub. The rest of us headed home..That was when my fren offered me his car to drive!!! Gosh.. it was exciting and scary at the same time. I had to get him to show me all the various controls first before i started the engine.. Brake on left, accelerator on right. Managed to reach his home in piece, then me n another fren took cab home together. Definitely should do this more often, esp if we are going for the south perth trip at the end of the year.. Which reminds me i better check wat happened to my driver's license. Paid for the renewal but have not received it in the post yet. hmm...hopefully it didnt get stolen or something.

Alrighty, i betta get back to my pain assignment and form Bs. Sian to the max!!!

2 more months!! :)

Reflection

Im starting to see the humorous side of this.. Took me a while but im getting there.. :)
On sat, the family went out for breakfast + morning walk and haven had time to take out the clothes to dry.. Since i wanted to wash my clothes as well, i took out their clean but wet clothes from the washing machine, put my dirty clothes inside to wash, then hang out all of them to dry. Auntie and old auntie came home, both thanked me for hanging out the clothes.. and the old auntie asked which of them hanging were mine. She said she would help me keep them ( i was going to the library to study) since i hanged out their clothes for them. I said no need, i can keep them the next day but she insisted, "One deed for one deed" in teochew..It was futile to argue so i accepted her offer graciously. And when i came home that night, my clothes were folded and placed nicely on my bed.

Fast forward to today. I washed my clothes this morn and hanged them out to dry before i left for school in the morning. Honestly i didnt expect her to keep my clothes for me.. Dont ask me why, its just a gut feeling. Afterall a calculative person would nv do something tat wud upset the balance in the account books right?

And i wasnt disappointed when i came home. My clothes were still hanging outside. But what i saw when i entered my room completely shocked me.

My thick black jacket was dumped unceremoniously on the floor with a clothes peg still on it.

-.-"

okay, i shld not jump to conclusions. Maybe she didnt dump it on the floor. Maybe she had intended to put it on my bed and it slipped from her weak fingers and slided graciously onto the floor and with her bad knees/back, she was unable to bend and pick it up.
Or maybe she did put it on my bed but the strong wind must have blown it onto the floor.

I find it so hard to convince myself though..
Why only my jacket then?? issit to remind me that i still have clothes outside in case i have forgotten??? LOL.

Im just so so thankful that im not like her. So so thankful. i truely believe everything happens for a reason.. Maybe the reason why i had to cross paths with her and her annoying daughter is so that i will appreciate and cherish my mother more.. for all her annoying traits (like obsession with tidiness/cleanliness), she is one of the most generous souls i know on this planet, if not the most. She is the one that teaches me n my sis to live life with the attitude of abundance, not scarcity. My dad taught us discipline, street-smart-ness and world knowledge but my mum imparted values and life skills that had helped shape me as a person. If you want to do something good, do it from your heart, do it without expecting something in return, she always tells me. It is easier said than done, and even more difficult when it comes to someone who has been mean or has hurt you or you simply just dont like. Someone like the old auntie and daughter.
and i managed to overcome my negative thoughts and revulsion..I know much of the credit must go to my mother and her teachings.

I love you mummy. Im sorry for all the times ive been rude to you.I promise i will try to change..you deserve so much better.

im lost..
should i make it happen? or will i regret my decision?

trying hard to concentrate on my assignment.. but ever so often, the thought just quietly creeps into my conscious mind.. disrupting my thoughts..

it all boils down to one simple qn..

should i make it happen?

Survived OSPE!

Slept just 4 hours the night before.. was practising in school till 930pm until the brain is so fried. Tried so hard to crack my classmate, even tried what my supervisor told me to do.. "Jump on the patient!".. And so i jumped. and cracked my sternum. Both of us burst out laughing.. it was hilarious. The entire plinth shook and bounced. but the stupid joint didnt go. Grrr... Tried so many methods, adapted from all the advice everyone is giving me.. even did one which i personally thot was quite ridiculous.. (goes to show how dedicated and desperate i was.. haha) On my thrust, i had to lift my head and bring it back down again.. something like a Rock band lead guitarist - whipping his head backwards and forwards.. you get the idea.
Yup, tried that once and not only did it not go, it felt as silly as it looked!

Supervisor said i needed to eat more. hmm.. okay, i shall break my diet vow and follow his advice. Eat more chocolates... heh heh.. Well he didnt exactly specify which food type rite? just said eat more. :D

OPSE went okay. Thank god!! Then we went to chill after that.. I declared yesterday to be day off mah.. must give myself a break. Had dinner with the girls at a really nice Jap restaurant. Ate ox tongue, 10 diff yakitoris, my fav cold tofu, fried squid and of cos, macha icecream. hee. The place didnt have ramen. Think too high class already.. so sad. nvm i shall keep my ramen cravings till when i get back in dec. mwahahahah..

Stopped by the asian groceries store too.. bought 2 mooncakes for myself.. 1 lotus paste with egg yoke and 1 with tau sah paste. Finished one this morning. opps. :X i can already hear some of u scolding me le... i noe i noe..tats the reason why im pui pui.. oh goodness, this also reminds me of the thick cheesy sandwich i made for myself at 12midnight the night before my ospe. >_< (haha but i think its abit difficult.. cos exams are coming.. already stocking up on my starburst lollies, cadbury choc blocks and tim tams..plus got dim sum date tmr!! :p )

2 more months!!!

I guess its really true.. Positive energies attract positive energies!
After having a week of absolutely horrid, more negative than negative itself energies ..i used an hour of my precious sleeping time and had a hard think about where i should go from here. And i decided that locking myself up is not going to make me happier than what i am now..which is not happy at all. And if i were to become calculative, then how different would i be compared to the people who made me unhappy??

So i chose the other path. To keep my heart open. And if that means still getting the door slammed right at my face, well at least i can hold my head up high and said i have tried.
and its really liberating.. i woke up still feeling exhausted but a load seems to be lifted off my chest. I have made my decision and i wont look back. which was really great cos there was another negative event that happened in the morning..and if i hadnt have made my decision, i believe i wud have been pushed further down the emotional abyss..

Refusing to let that affect my day, i went about my clinics with a neutral mood..and wow, i had a fantastic day in clinics! 2 exceptionally skilled clinicians with top notch clinical reasoning.. Well, they told us that they would have high expectations of us given this is our last round of clinics before graduation.. and so they would expect from us skills n reasoning of a post-graduate clinician.. but i believe i m going to learn heaps from the both of them! Leo challenged.. or pushed me to manip my patient (lower Tx sp) today.. He asked me if it was my first time manip-ing a pt and i said yes..and he said, well this is the best time to learn and polish my skills. He sat in with me, watched me do it (and of cos i wasnt successful the firs 2 times), he took over, did once (got it of cos!), then asked me to do it again. And i got it this time. well, 2 levels in fact.. hee.. ideally shld be localised to one.. but its okay!! im super duper happy!! cos the pt is quite big and very muscular.. and i was 0% confident of getting it on him.. cos i haven managed to get it successfully on any males before... my skinny ex-supervisor included. So my confidence level is zilch.

And with that newfound confidence and immense happiness, i went about to doing the task i planned with regards to the decision i made last night. i can tell she is surprised..and from the words she said, i know that my gut feeling about her is right. But thats okay. Even if nothing changes. Even if she continues to treat me the same way... it will not bother me as much anymore...because i have already moved on..

i feel happy. :)

Unhappy has got to be my middle name lately. I really need to find a way to cheer myself up.

Yest was the first good night rest i had in a long time..but even that wasnt enough. i was awakened at 7am..again. Then they left for church at 815. but by then i cud not fall back to sleep again..

Brain feels so fried. It doesnt help that certain events at home have made me feel unhappy n sad.. Now i dont feel like going home anymore. Its 8pm, and im still in the computer lab in school, despite knowing its pitch dark and unsafe walking home at this time.. compared to the period when i was living in the hostel, no matter how frustrated/tired i was, i wud always try to go home early..only stayed in sch when i needed to get certain work done.. I have consecutively stayed in sch till 9pm for 4 days...simply bcos i dun wan to go home.

Its not always bad though. I rem how uncle very kindly gave me a lift to the train station last friday night at 8pm, so that i didnt have to walk out in the dark and wait in the cold for the bus to take me to the train station. And auntie moved my things over to my room from the theatre room last night as well as made my bed for me. Maybe i shldnt be so hurt by the sister's words.. i should not think that auntie also thinks the same way as her sister. Yah.. just concentrate on my work and assignments and ignore the rest.

sighh..i can hear my bed calling out to me..

My body systems are going haywire..
I thought the degree of puffiness of my eyes was bad in may/june period..but i haven experienced it like today.. Blinking is painful. I feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets.. Its such an uncomfortable feeling.. If previously i was affected by the aesthetic aspect.. this time im feeling the physical impact!! Its really hard to concentrate.. you cant stare at something (computer screen, lecturer, lecture notes) for too long.. The only thing you want to do is to keep your eyes closed.

I wonder how much of this is due to lack of sleep?

I have been banished to sleeping in the theatre room cos there are guests in the house. Sofa is comfortable but too cramped. Which is still tolerable, considering i dun really move alot these days cos im so dead tired. The thing that really affects me is the noise level. at 6am in the morn. these guests (especially this particular one) talk alot. really alot. and she is super inconsiderate. Her voice level is not adjusted to the time of the day. She talks loudly in the morn, in the afternoon and even late at night. I can hear her when she is talking to her husband in the toilet. You can just imagine. So yes, i have been awake since 6am..with incredible puffy painful eyes.. absolute misery.

mm..but i believe it has something to do with the amount of coffee im dirnking, maybe? But the max i have been drinking is 2 cups per day though..one in the morn, and one in the afternoon. Thats it.

I really hope the situation will improve when they leave. but im not putting my money on it. Cos auntie's parents will be around till dec and they are very early risers. Sigh..*keeping fingers crossed*
it would be so ironic to discover that i moved place in the hope of getting more quiet n sleep..but achieving none in the end.

2.5 months to go...

Bum talking

I know ive been such a bum. Slacked the entire weekend away..doing nothing. okay strictly speaking its not nothing.. i guess its more like nothing contructive, nothing useful to my education, nothing good la! And the reason i gave myself is... i needed the 'rest' from the downright exhausting, brain-cells-killing pain test on thurs. Upon reflection, im seriously impressed by my tutor lah.. Seriously. I think it takes so much brain power to set such cheem questions... So cheem that the entire class had to take >14 hrs to complete. And it was more like 'Wah lau.. brain cannot take it anymore.. Cannot think liao... Aiya heck it , just submit le... Dont care already' kind of submission rather than the 'Ho-sey liao! Confirm full marks, tutor see also happy' kind of attitude.. Seriously no joke. I had one classmate staying up till 5am in the morning before completing the qns... As for me. I concussed at 12 plus.. woke up at 7plus to continue the marathon.

It.
Was.
Crazy.

But its over. Exhausted 5 years of my lifespan though.

Now its time to focus on the assignment that is due on weds. haiz. super unmotivated. See. im already yawning as im writing this sentence. So much for not sleeping until i complete the assignment. Not going to happen. Body is rebelling.....

Told you im a bum.
-.-

Last day at A Hospital

Today is my last day at A Hospital for attachment.. Felt abit sad cos i really like the place and my supervisor. Billy has been most wonderful, patient and knowledgeable. i really really enjoy discussing ideas and learning from him.. The two supervisors at my first clinics were very knowledgeable as well but i guess one had simply intimidated me too much..Billy did intimidate me initially, but at the end, he motivate me more than scared me away..im really thankful to have had the opportunity to learn this senior who did his masters in 2005.

Famous words " you cant treat everyone. Recognising your limitations will only make you a better clinician."

He is kind enough to let me practise my cx manips on him after i finished my notes and transfer summaries today.. still cudnt get my chin hold technique on him.. but i managed to get a cradle hold on him, after much guidance.

Feedback from him: need to work on direction on thrust and speed.

A pain!!

Doing assignments is such a pain!!!
I dont mind if they give 1 assignment per unit.. but they dun believe in china's 'stop at 1' policy loh.. instead, they choose to follow our gahmen's 'pls have 3 or more if you can afford it" policy...
!@#$%^&!@$%

they think we very free issit???

now i noe why xiao qiang came out today..he must have smelt my foul mood n thot got something smelly to eat.... -.-

Attack of the Roaches!!

AHHHHHH!!! went to make myself a hot cup of lemon honey and suddenly a baby cockroach appearfromnowehereandchargedrightatme!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

in the midst of my panic, i still managed to gather some wits and HOIIIIICK!! plonked a plastic tuperware over the evil nasty creature!
mwahahhahahahahhahahaha. i felt so powerful suddenly, staring at it from across a plastic shield.

ppppfffffffftttttt!!!!!

then my elation left as quickly as it came as it dawned upon me that i may one day need to get rid of the creature.. i cant leave it in the container next to the sink forever right????? what if my auntie/uncle accidentally unleash the evil forces in the morning tomorrow???? the world that we know will surely come to an end... i cant let that happen!!!

but i cant bring myself to kill it. not that im overwhelmed by buddhist teachings on benevolence.. Buddha knows how much i want it dead. Squashed. Exterminated. -.-
As i stood there pondering over my limited options, my saviour appeared suddenly!!!
"AUNNNNTTTTIIE!!!!!!"

And the rest is history.
It is history. heh heh.

I did a victory dance as i walked back to my room, lemon honey in hand.
:)

back ache

My back is sore.. from sitting too long.. :((

i wan massage...

:(

Happy happy day!

I passed my clinical exam!! woohoo!! next wk marks the end of my second placement.. 2 down, 1 more to go. I think clinical exams are so unpredictable. Having had a terrible experience during my first (although i must admit, i did learn alot from my uncountable mistakes) clinical exam in may, i was dreading today's exam...so much so that i cudnt sleep past 7am and had 5x diarrhoea episodes...

My classmate said something to me later on which i cudnt forget.. 'why are u so lacking in confidence?"
hmm..good question.
isnt bcos i think im not studying hard enough ??(well we all noe u wud be a 10x better than wat u are today if u had spent all those time reading news/watching serials/surfing aimlessly onto those articles u were meant to be reading...)
or isnt bcos i have low self esteem?

i think the ans is the former.

Its funny how my supervisor actually questioned me 'why are u doing this?' infront of the patient.. well its what he asked or the way he asked that was funny but more of the response he gave afterward. I was trying to give him my rationale, but u noe.. in a very meek, n uncertain-of-myself manner.. and he said 'im not saying you are wrong. Just wanna noe why. thats all.'

Aiyah.. if they say they are not saying u are wrong, means they are saying u are wrong lah. :DD

Typical singaporean mentality. haha. Well the last i checked, my passport still says Singapore, so ppfffftttt. :P

Anyway it doesnt matter! Important thing is that i cleared another hurdle! 1 step closer to coming home!! :)

Last day of august

The crickets are out on full force today.. I can hear them from the kitchen when i was cooking dinner just now!! I think their population is directly proportional to the amount of rain received in the day.. cos its been raining all day long today and viola~ we hear a symphony of orchestra...

speaking of which.. i want to laugh at my foolishness.. last friday was super sunny. sat was blazing hot. sunday was warm. monday was hot and tuesday is not! No prizes for guessing which day i decided to wash my clothes....... obviously i had to pick the not.so.hot. day... So my clothes are not only still wet despite hanging out since 9.30am..they are soaked with rain water.. so smart rite? mdm wong seriously cannot predict aust weather.

todays hasnt been as productive as id hoped but still better than yest and definitely much better than the wkend (basically nua the weekend away.. :( ).. hopefully i can condt to pick up steam as the wk progresses.. too much to do..

To those of my frens who are teachers, happy teachers day in advance!!! :)

Im starting this entry with no idea what i wish to write.. so lets see how this goes.. :)

okay what shall i talk about? my clinics today? saw two patients today, both are chronic pain patients, pain++ type.. well my first lady is getting better, able to walk for half hour before onset of pain and her leg pain is now only localised to to the buttock region instead of all the way down so im really happy. I tried to put to practice wat i learned in Peter's class and it was really fun exploring and finding that wat he says works!!!! :)

my other lady was really the highlight of my day. Constant elbow pain for 3 months - nil injury, had corticosteriod injection which didnt help a teeny bit. Tried kinesiotaping and some soft tissue work last week (cant do anything else cos she is just so tender n sensitised all around in the arm) but neither helped. Checked her neck today and all were negative.. all except for distraction which relieved her pain. For the first time in 3 months, her pain level actually went below 4/10 --> in her own words. I was amazed. Had a really good discussion with my supervisor about the possible mechanism of her pain..super intriguing and mind boggling! So sad she cant continue to see me as she is unavailable on the days that i am in..i wud really love to monitor her progress.. anyway she is going to see my supervisor so i guess i can still find out from him.. :) i really hope we have made new discovery here and can end her days of pain..

hoho i also read about the new housing policies that will be implemented with immediate effect..i think its really radical and i believe it will definitely have an effect on the market.. which is good. my personal favourite is the new requirement of having to sell ur private property without 6 months of buying a resale flat if you are a private property owner. LOL. I was quite taken aback when i first read it..wow, our gov has turned from a cat to a tiger all of a sudden! But good la. just imagine, the rise in resale flat price in the last quarter is 4.1%.. how to tahan with my 1.8% annual increment??? (note: the key words here are quarter and annual)

Good on you la gahmen. although we all know that these measures are taken with the hope of reducing the impact of the people's wrath during the next coming election, we still appreciate your efforts. Just make sure the execution is done well. otherwise.........ROAWRRRR....

Winter is at its end and spring is arriving..
Haven really thought about it but the signs are all there.
I dont tremble as much the minute i step out of the shower.. i also dont require the heater to be on 24/7. I can walk around the house without my socks on (some days only :p im still a wuss!)
And the most telling thing amongst all...i can water the plants without my thick thick jacket.. before u start sniggering and rolling ur eyes thinking how bad can watering some plants be...let me explain that watering the plants is a very sacred task which takes me about an hour each time.. So..one hour out in the cold is enough to turn my toes blue and fingers numb loh..

Indeed, spring is right at the doorstep.

As it is already, i can hear the crickets in the garden (my room is next to the garden) as i type this entry. Something i dont recall when i moved in during the thick of winter in july.

12 more weeks.

Wow. that sounds like just next week. LOL.
I can already think of the list of things that i want to do when i get back.
1) Spend time with family
2) Eat jap ramen
3) Eat sashimi.
4) Go running
5) Eat jap ramen.
6) Hair therapy - trim, rebond, treatment
7) Eat jap ramen.
8) Eat sahimi
9) Go running
10) Massage/foot reflexology
11) Clubbing (cheryl dear u on???)
12) Iceskating
13) Clubbing
14) More clubbing (cheryl, keryn & AY are u reading this??? :p)
15) Chill at Leisure Park starbucks
16) Practise my manips skills on willing parties.. heh heh

Cant wait to be back!!

And yes.. I Love You.
:)

Help needed!

Can someone pls teach me how to be grounded??? Be grateful for my 8-5pm job, less than $3K salary, 21 days annual leave, 99% guaranteed 13th month AWS and not forgetting, my 1.8% annual increment that beats Japan's inflation rate.

A pity i do not live in Japan.

stop stop stop. im supposed to be grateful and more grounded!! argh.

so brain pls i beg you, stop putting all those business plans and ideas in my subconscious.. its driving me nuts!!

whats wrong with being contented with what i have at the moment????

End of August

Ahh break is finally here.. wow cant believe 4 weeks of sch has came n gone in a blink of an eye..
Counting down. I have just about another 3 more months here in perth.
OMG.
Have i spent that long here already??
I feel like i have not even mastered half of what i am supposed to..
The pressure is so intense.
Knowing that the expectations for me from my seniors will be so much higher when i return is making me more stressed than happy.
Trying my very best here. But if im just not talented what can i do?
Defeatist attitude.
Stop it.
I have such inspirational tutors..
they make me want to work harder to improve myself. to be half as good as them.

Hope.
4 meaningless alphabets put together to form such a powerful word.

I need hope.

Hope that i can one day be better than what i am today.

tears and rainbow

Tears just started running down my cheeks..out of control... i feel so out of control.. hardwork? yes tat i can put in.. talent? that i cant control.. to say i feel frustrated is an understatement.. i dunno wats wrong with my techniques.. i dunno wat i can do.. everyone seems to be getting it..but not me.

thank you for talking to me.. thank you for telling me that im good. even though i noe im not. hearing that lie, despite knowing its a lie, somehow made it alittle better..thank you for letting me feel that it doesnt matter even if i cant crack a single person after i graduate.. you will always be there for me. with me. that the whole world, entire physio world may laugh at me for my failure despite studying so much but u will not laugh.

i have never felt such utter despair like today..sitting on the grass field, with tears running down my cheeks...at that moment, i saw a rainbow in the sky.. u said its a sign... really?

if my tears are like the rain.... i wonder when my rainbow will appear?

Why are u slacking again??

Yes you. Dont pretend to look behind you. Im talking to you gal. Dreamy dream dream. Stop facebooking and go and do ur work.
NOW.

sigh.. such a slave driver!! spent the entire afternoon at the hospital doing my research project.. Have to go there again on thurs but it shld be one of the last few sessions le..completed most of the data entry liao.. Going to start our data analysis next week and hopefully we wun need to go down to the hospital as often as we did before.. its really wearing me out. Like today, we ended about 630 and it was pouring heavily outside the hospital.. luckily a staff gave us a lift to the train station (none of us had an umbrella with us!) and so we didnt have to walk in the rain.. But the journey back is really tedious.. I love fremantle, truely i do. But going there once a week for the past 4 months has really been no joke. i blame the public transport system for my unhapiness really. Anyway its almost done!! The data entry at least.. so tats good!

I realise how terribly unfit i have become..really cant wait to be back in sg and start running again. I promise i will be back with a vengeance!!!! Ahh treadmill, i miss you so....

Lazy bum!

im a lazy bum! totally lacking in discipline and determination..i shld be so ashamed of myself! truely i shld be!
dun ask me what i have been doing since sch started.. other classes, i have been busy meeting this fren, that fren and that that fren.. granted, its my bdae and so i shld cut myself some slack here..but now no more excuses!! time to catch up on all those readings u haven done and pull up ur socks! in less than 4 months u will be home.. so no more mucking ard u hear me??

okay before i end this post and go back to my studying.. i just wish to say a big thank you for everyone who made my bdae so wonderful.. esp keryn & AY!! Yummilicious home cooked dinner + 3 diff cakes to choose from & even a real national day flag to seal the deal! Never felt more singaporean than that day itself in my 4.5 years in aussieland.. hee hee.. *big huggies*

Month of August

oh gosh.. its been 8 days since i last blogged. That has to be the longest gap (sch holidays not inclusive) between posts since i started this blog hey? I have good reason for this absence.. ah well not exactly good in the good way.. u noe wat i mean..

Alas, the first few days of month August have not been too good to me.. i can only hope that perhaps the happy occassion just around the corner will be able to bring some good luck charm to me..This thought and the holiday trip by AY&Keryn are the only two things that are keeping a smile on my otherwise demoralised and tired face..

Alright banish all the unhappy thots to the back of ur mind until at least the 10th..hush!

Uncle emailed me some noteworthy quotes today and amongst them, these two are my favourites.

"Upon setting your goal, enjoy every moment of the trip along the way"

"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see"

2 new goals - 24 & Hokkaido

today, i have set 2 new goals for myself. Things that i want to achieve by the end of this year.. or at least by the end of my course. Both are unrelated to my studies i must say.. but they are things that i have been telling myself to do but have not gotten down to doing. So its time i become more disciplined and stop lazing around. Time really doesnt stop for you...

Although i must admit, it was a great holiday for me.. the last few days maybe what others would call, a waste of time - waking up at 11-12pm..eat watch movie eat watch more movies sleep... but my body really needed that rest from the hectic months leading towards exams.. but no regrets. :) im really happy with my results! All the efforts and hardwork had paid off. Now for the final few laps..and my 2 new goals as well. Must not forget about them. heh heh. Dreamy u must do as u promised oh!! dont slack!!!

Going to visit a farm tmr.. wonder wat it will be like! must rem to take my camera so that can take some photos for memory sake! :)

Sunday night Television

i think i watch more television in my new home than when i was staying in the hostel.. partly i guess its bcos the sofa is not comfortable (you know how fussy im with sofas..) and partly cos there is usually someone there watching tv and its not always tuned to the channel that i wanna watch.. so i just dont watch tv. In fact i can count the number of times id watched tv with 1 hand. Less than 5 times in the 4 months i lived there..Whereas over here.. heh heh. watching television is a whole new ballgame altogether. Uncle n auntie has this entertainment room that has everything..and i mean everything you would expect and want in a home entertainment theatre room..i think the only thing that uncle didnt install is soundproof system, which he didnt really need since you cant hear much once you close the doors... This extraordinary phenomenon only exists in this room though i must say... The rest of the walls are paper thin and hence although the house is huge, you can still hear almost everything that is going on in the house if you actively listen. I think the people here has probably trained themselves how to tune out and block out sounds... i mean that is the only reason i can think of how they can sleep even when the tv is on, pple are talking/shouting/laughing, doors are banging etc etc..amazing. Simply amazing.

Anyway back to my television.. lol. im so so happy tat Adam won australia's 2010 masterchef competition! I think he is really talented and creative.. and the one thing that i really like and admire about him is the calmness he displays even when its simply madness around him.. I know i would be panicking if i were in his shoes during many of his toughest moments.. This ability to remain calm when hell breaks loose is something that i lack and wish to have... I truely admire him and am so so happy for him! When he publishes his cookbook next time, i will definitely buy a copy..promise!

After the finale of masterchef, i watched this new series called 'Undercover Boss'. Its a really nice show. Having the company's CEO going to the frontline of the company and working as a rookie on the job is probably the dream of most blue collar folks hey? I think that all CEOs should do that. Whats an even better way to check the feasibility of your top management policy than to be right at the receiving end, executing the very policy which you signed at the dotted line? Do the job for one day and then talk about productivity and efficiency and cutting cost.

Tomorrow night the spotlight will be on australia 7 eleven franchise. oh yea, i have a date with Ten TV 730pm. :)

Lazy sunday

Such a lazy weekend..wake up, eat, watch movie, eat, watch movie, sleep.. shiok!!!

Pot of chicken curry

MasterChef Auntie with her 1 pot wonder

Leftover sweet potato+walnuts+raisins muffins!

muffins preparing to pop into the oven!

Muffins are raising so beautifully!! cant resist taking a photo despite knowing it wun be clear.. :p

Leaving the muffins on metal tray to let them cool.. YUMZ!

couldnt resist! must 'tax' alittle bit... slightly dry but taste is good!! :)

Banana cake! made by Masterchef auntie!! have u smelt banana cake when its fresh from the oven?? absolutely heavenly!!!

Tada!!!

Culinary Adventure

Auntie's kitchen is equiped with almost everything!! How can i let them go to waste rite?? So ive resolved to try out a new recipe every week. :)

The week before last, i made red bean sago dessert soup and pandan agar agar. Forgot to take photo of my agar agar before cutting it.. opps.
Verdict: Red bean sago soup passed by mum, daddy & myself. (auntie said she wud prefer it to be thicker.) Agar agar - taste passed but colour was too green for my liking. Need to reduce the amount of green colouring next time. Also didnt achieve the double layer effect that i like. Must try again.

Pot of red bean sago dessert

Today i made braised pig trotter with mushrooms, lotus seeds and red dates. this photo was taken very hurriedly as it had taken me longer than expected to cook this dish and auntie/uncle were already starving. Also do not be deceived by the photo..the trotter is HUGE. Cost me $15 for the trotter alone so go figure the actual size. lol..The three of us could only finish half of it so auntie is keeping it for lunch tmr. I had originally planned to cook it for my dad cos he loves pig trotters but seriously had no time when they were here.. Unfortunately, tonight's trotter was abit too salty. Next time i must try with raw trotter and not smoked ones cos i think they add alot of salt during the smoking process.

It was quite funny today.. after preparing all the ingredients for the trotter and was able to start braising it, i discovered, to my horror, that auntie has ran out of light soya sauce!!! *faints*. Was so so so tempted to substitute with the small bottle of soya sauce i found in the fridge..but it was for sushi dipping one.. smelt its contents twice and made up my mind...to quickly run over to the nearest supermarket to get my light soya sauce. :( the contents smelt different to our usual soya sauce.. Also good la.. managed to buy other things as well, such as fresh milk (house is out of milk) and potato chips..heehee..

Going to fremantle tmr.. hopefully can spot some nashi pears (suet lei) at the markets there.. coles didnt have any when i went today... Wanna make apple n pear soup this weekend.. :)

Its true you know... nothing beats homecooked food. :)

Currently watching: 败犬女王

I have been told that i share certain similarities as the main female character (tried to type in chinese but for some reason the web browser doesnt allow me to.. -.- ) and that piqued my interest to watch this serial.. currently at episode 7..it has a nice story line..enough of sweet romance to satisfy hopeless romantic side of me, enough of bittersweet first love to clear my tear ducts blockages and some blunt slapstick taiwanese humor to hold the plot together like a glue.

my only grouse is.. why do serials make love look so easy?

perhaps thats why we keep going back for more..guys, for the numerous creative and inspiring wooing-gals techniques...girls, for the fuel to keep their dream romance fire burning..

But alas, romance do not last forever.. whereas heartbreaks and heart aches may last a lifetime..

do we really have similarities?? mm...

2 weeks into my new home

Sorry dear blogie, parents and H came over for a week and i hardly had time to go online..its so wonderful to see them again..to have my mum fuss over me (okay i always tell her its irritating but its nice sometimes to have someone to fuss over you.. keyword: sometimes) to discuss news and latest happenings with my dad.. to show all of them where n what i have been doing for the past 4 months as well as discover new places with them..

Ahh they have only been back for a day and im missing them already.. the house is so quiet this morn.. thats ironic i know. i had to tell them to talk softly when they were here as the walls of the house are paper thin and auntie/uncle work from home. Personally i like the house to be bustling with life and chatter.. but its not my house.

So many things to talk about and i just dunno where to start. hmm..

im looking at my room now. Just changed my bedsheets this morning..packed my room yest after they left and its neater now. Daddy n mummy were awesome! they vacuumed and moped the whole house yest, mummy also cleaned the toilet...im really proud of my parents..and im thankful for the way they brought me up. Try not to impose on others if you can.. and if u do, make sure u dun leave a mess for others to clear. Clean up ur own mess and make sure its cleaner than before u use it. And equally important, dont wait for others to tell you. Mum always tell me this reflects on your upbringing. hmm..I have always been puzzled and even annoyed sometimes with the extreme cleanliness my mum always demands...But ever since i went abroad to study, i began to appreciate that. I hate waking up in the morning and going into a dirty, unflushed toilet. Or entering a toilet that looks like it has also been affected by the Orchard Road flooding.. Yucks. I think thats just plain laziness and lack of consideration. But i will have none of that here. Yay! :)

Ate so much good food during the week that they were here.. okay and junk food as well. how can dreamy ever go by a day without having some kind of junk food eh? omg.. looking back, i think i had icecream almost everyday!! *pokes fat cheeks* Just on friday, i even asked H to buy a second icecream cone for me after lunch cos i was greedy. my gluttony is endless. :(( As for chocolate, needless to say, i will have some form of it daily. Did i mention, mummy bought me a gigantic bar of toberone, 3x 400g bars inside the casing. Im refraining myself from opening it, cos i know once its opened, i wun be able to stop until its finished. so the longer i can hold out from opening it, the better it is. Speaking of which, im really amazed at myself. Mummy brought me 2 small tubs of pineapple tarts and i finished them in 4 days. They r my favourite brand of pineapple tarts n i so thoroughly miss them!! mummy was afraid that customs might not let them through so she only bought the small tubs so not so sayang if had to be confiscated. She also bought for me the chinese ingredients that i wanted so that i can make soups..They do sell them at asian grocery stalls but for a small fortune.. so i asked mummy to buy big packets for me!! hee..going to start making soups! am really excited. i really wan to brush up on my cooking n baking skills during this few months..especially all my favourite kuehs, steamed buns, dumplings, sambal chilli and chinese food..im still very into desserts n pastries but i think i wan to improve on my savoury foods and soups! cannot lose my heritage.. :) i have made agar agar n red bean soup last week.. today im going to make the traditional cny almond cookies (yesh i managed to find the right shape n size cookie cutter!! so happy!!) and tmr i think i will try the braised pig trotter recipe. Wanted to cook for my dad cos he loves pig trotter..but we have been going out everyday that i dun have time to prepare.. nvm poor auntie/uncle..they have to be my guinea pigs.. :p

i guess i will blog bit by bit daily of their trip here cos it wud be quite impossible for me to pen a whole week of events in 1 day..lol.

My last day at Kurrajung Village

Shifting house today! Packed till 3am this morn and woke up at 9.30am to put my bedsheets and towel in the washing machine.. Even though i only changed them last week but i like the smell of clean sheets and towel so better put them in the dryer la.

Currently in the living room waiting for my fren to help me move my stuff to my new place. Kinda feel sorry for the poor boy.. think i need to feed him well afterwards.. quite unbelievable how much stuff ive accrued in the short 4 months ive been here... luckily i only have a room, a spare cupboard and kitchen cabinet. Imagine if its an entire house like last time?!? i dont think i will want to move loh.. :p

Okay let me tell u more about this new place that im moving to. Its further away from school than where im currently living.. so it will take me abt 40-45mins to walk to uni.. parents think its abit far..which i kinda agree too but just take it as exercise ba! God knows how badly i need some exercise loh.. *dagger stares at thunder-thighs and chuby-chups cheeks and chicken-wings-arms* Sigh. What to do? Despite all my good intentions of 'detoxing' after exams, my cravings for chocies nv cease. And it doesnt help matters when most of the chillout places involve comfy sofa/lounges with yummi-licious desserts to-die-for! haha..

Will i miss this place? Well not really... except for the people living in it. i have made wonderful friends in this small flat and i definitely will miss them. Ween has already ordered me to stay over certain weekends when she gets back.. lolz. see how la.
Hopefully i can sleep better at this new place im going to stay in.. :)

Today is sunday... which means 1.5 weeks have past since my last exam.. mm..Let me recap what i have done over the last week.. cleaned my room, clothes, sheets, rest and nua at home watching movies/House, went out to watch movie/makan, spent 2 days at the new place im moving to-did some gardening-weeding-watched movies on big-screen-tv, watched MasterChef Australia episodes on tv & online, went to Fremantle hospital to do my research project (yes its not completely holiday for me..), planned itinenary for my parents and finally packing... Let me count... i only have 4 weeks of holidays left!!! Nooooooooooooooooo.... it feels like sand running through my fingers....slipping away.... must enjoy every split second of this break!!! :)

hmm.. results are going to be released on the 14th july i think... its either 14 or 17..cant wait! i really wanna know how i did for my exams.. lol.. esp the paper where i wrote a load of rubbish n nonsense.. hahaha...

Spoke to loved ones and close friends over the phone in the past week.. im really happy tat most of them are doing well.. i hate the feeling of being far away and unable to do anything if someone i care about is unhappy or down..

the boy is here!! got to go!!

The final countdown

alrighty! its showdown time..

just had my morning-pick-me-up lipton tea and brekkie.. going to do some information augmentation (dunno if there is such a 'term'..got the inspiration from 'breast augmentation' heh heh so random i know!! :p) now before the exam at 8.30.

jia you jia you dreamy! last one liao... you mustnt lose steam at this very last minute!!!

GO GO GO!!!

Whatever happens tomorrow..

i know i have tried my best....

die la.. i cant seem to concentrate on my studying!!! i feel like im in holiday mode le.... cannotttt!!!! this last paper is worth 50% of my module.. cannot give up!!!

dreamy go log out of FB and turn to page 1 of ur notes... MOVE. NOW.

haiz.

2 more days to go!!!

Today's paper is unbelievable!!! I completely had no idea of what to expect for this paper cos its supposed to be on 'clinical reasoning'.. Well, even if you are not in the medical line, from the term itself, you can probably already tell how abstract that is...

Clinical reasoning (verb): one's ability to reason clinically

HAHA.

So what kind of questions did they ask??? Well,a few on theory..a few on case scenarioes and.. this is the best part.. a few on principles!!! WIN LIAO!!! :(

so dreamy started bullshitting and writing a whole load of crap n nonsense..i rem there was one question worth about 5 marks n i actually wrote a full page of 'principles' for the tutor lo.. so proud of myself!!! HAHAHA..

i think my tutor is going to be so disgusted with the 'quality' of my answers when she marks my paper..

ANYWAY i don wan to think about it.. its done. sealed. finished. now to try to focus on my next n last paper... after some rest n chilling of cos!! keke.. have i mentioned that i have d/l all the remaining episodes of House MD season 6???? soooo tempted to watch k.. BUT i managed to control myself on saturday (finished d/l on friday night when i was zZzzz...) and yesterday.. hehe.. dreamy deserves a pat on her back... ;)

Ajar ajar hwaiting!!!!

The day has arrived..

i will be brave...

knowledge = power ??

The person who said 'knowledge is power' obviously doesnt know what he/she is talking about... either that or i happen to fall into the unfortunate group of 0.0000001% of pple who defy this saying.. =(

dreamy u cannot give up!!!!

My comfort food

yeah..hot spicy juicy chicken...

YUMZ to the max!!!!

yupz thats right.. i bought 5 pieces. =p ate 3 tonight... super full but yumz!! topped with 2 glasses of orange-pineapple juice..one word to describe --> awesome!!

sianz. dun wan to study leh. but there is soooo much to read tonight.. cos of my procrastination n afternoon naps. =( i dun wan to fei-lo tmr.. so better get my ass moving!!!

3 more days to go!!!!!

I look like a dumpling!! AHHHHH!!!!!! =(


update: no surprise.. see above.

Special 'friend' awards

Microwave is my new best friend. It takes care of my daily 3 meals, makes sure that i always have something warm and comforting to fill my tummy and is ever so efficient.

My other good friend is my trusty kettle. Never ever complains even if i dun finish up all 1.8litres of water it has already boiled just a few hours earlier, before boiling another pot again so that i have hot water to make my coffee/tea..It keeps its peave and say naught about wasting electricity and resources.

Ahh..and how can i forget about my silence-is-gold muffy ear phones?? always by my side be it good times or bad times.. bringing me good entertainment when i want it and also giving me peace when i need it the most. although its not always possible especially when inconsiderate pple come out to play, i know deep in my heart that it has tried its best..

Ahhh..what will i do without you my friends..

7 more days to go!!

taking a short break from studying to write this post.. i realise im really getting older le (haha, how come this sounds so familar??? i think the blog entries that ive been writing lately revolve around the same few topics.. stress, stress, more stress, fat, fat, fatter, lack of sleep, severe lack of sleep, eye bags, tired, brain dead.. yada yada) anyway..yah concentration span is not as long as before.. and also very very easily distracted.

i discovered something amazing about myself today! I can actually fall asleep even after drinking coffee barely 1 hour before. WOW. okay, maybe its not hardcore coffee..just nescafe 3-in-1 kind..but in the past (not so distant past actually.. i.e. the first few months that i was here) i would be buzzing with energy for at least a couple of hours...and worse if i took tea.. wun be able to fall asleep if i drink it anytime after 1pm.. now i think my body is like.. huh wats tat? coffee? aiya..just like water..

Omg im seriously going bonkers. now i am imagining my body as a cartoon character!!! *faints*

Separate note.. just received my stipend for the remaining half of the year.. yay!! got 'ammunition' to go play n make merry after exams le!!

i survived OSPE!!!

yippeee!!! made some booboos but i didnt let my nerves get the better of me.. so proud of myself!!! :)

OSPE OSPE Bo Pi Pi

haha. i think im going crazy le. one moment, im singing 'i will survive'...then next moment, there is this hip 'ospe ospe bo pi pi' chant going on my head.. i think i shld change my postal address to IMH. :S

i just realised that im actually sort of keeping an exam log book..or diary if you prefer..haha.. think i will have a great laugh when i re-read all my june posts say 5 yrs down the road...

Only managed to sleep for 4 hours last night..not that i didnt want to sleep more..but it took half hour or so for me to fall asleep..and then my crazy body decided to wake up 1 hour ahead of my preset alarm time.. so im sort of twiddling my thumbs whilst waiting for the time to pass... HAHA i wish!!! :(

watever it is..i must stay calm..

the person who maintains her composure wins the race...

a glimpse of my pathetic life...

i am so pathetic.. i actually verbalised a 'yay' to myself when i refreshed Coles supermarket catalogue page at exactly 2300hrs and saw the updated coming-week's specials.. (it was still the old catalogue at 2259hrs)

Yes i know. Im real pathetic.

This is like the lowest point in my life i think. To be remotely excited about the specials at my nearest supermarket. I can think of so many other things that i would rather be excited about... oh boy, there are heaps!! like the end of my exams for one..

but until that day arrives (in 8 days!! counting down by the second!!)..i shall just be contented with the excitement from the cheap grocery discounts...

hmm...broccoli is only $2.98/kg...i should get some...

Just how much can ur brain absorb??

mm..i dun think im hitting saturation point yet.. i feel like i can go further but my brain feels soooo tired... and my eyes are burning...and there is like a headache perpectually constant at the front of my head...oh boy..

felt great this morn when i woke up..went to bed really early last night at 1130pm cos my body just cudnt take it anymore..and slept till 7am this morning..could feel my body literally thanking me for making that decision.lol.. then went to sch n practised for 5 hours... not feeling so great now.. all i wan to do right now is tuck myself under the blankets n snooze away...but cannot! got so much to read/prepare for tmr.. need to keep going...

need to just keep going..

people who do not keep their promises are simply not worth your time and effort...

OSPE in 2 days!!

im going to do so badly for this practical exam!! so much things i haven 'avatarised' *see below for explanation* yet!!!

am i not working hard enough??? why still got so many things i dunno?? :(

i feel so demoralised..

*avatarised is a term created by a group of lets-practise-till-we-puke classmates (dreamy & 2 frens) that holds the meaning of 'an action/skill that is so well practised that advanced brain synapses have been formed permanently.' *

tick tock tick tock

Im in a race.
Mr Time is the hare while im the tortoise.

I know slow n steady wins the race is the morale of the story... but somehow i cant but feel that im just prodding along alittle tooooo slowly. arghh.. *tries to push dreamy's fat ass along*
Reassessment: 0.00000000000001 mm forward. -_-" haiz.

9 more days to go!!! (<--- we are down to single digit countdown!!)
O.M.G.

"..i believe that hard work will pay off.."

Famous words from a friend..
if only i can frame it up and display on my wall for added motivation..

come on dreamy.. dont cave in to the sleepy monster!!!

Rollercoaster

today is such a rollercoaster ride for me..

Was originally feeling really happy cos i got back my marks for my anatomy assignment and presentation.. got 25/30 for assignment and 17/20 for presentation.. so much higher that wat i expected and hoped for!! Was telling myself that if i would be so happy if i can get 20/30 for assignment and 12-13/20 for presentation :)) All my hardwork has paid off!!
but i also developed a super mei-you-zi-qi thought.. hee which is that now i only need to get 30/50 for my coming written exam to have an overall 72/100 grade for the subject.. hee.. definitely not so stressed now.. :) but the stress is defintiely on for coming thur's OSPE (practical exam) and the written exam on monday (that focus on clinical reasoning).. but nvm enjoy this brief moment of happiness first!

And seriously, true to the word, the happiness is really very brief lo.. I lost my plastic microwavable cup in the library cafe just now during lunch!!! Someone nicked it!! :( and it still has my hot lipton tea inside.. i didnt even drink a single sip loh.. SIGH. why the thief so cheapo!! cup also wan to steal.. does he noe that i need that cup very much?? its the cup that i drink all my hot tea/coffee from.. and i drink alot now during this exam period.. :((

im soooo miffed! hurmph!

11 more days to go

omg..im so dying for a massage..
i wanna go BKK!!! :((

Restless Sunday

im so sleepy. had to splash cold water on my face to jolt myself awake. :(

I wonder if its possible that one day i will be so tired that i will not even hear the alarm??? haha..i actually felt a jolt of happiness at that thought.
-_-"

They say the state of a person's room reflects the state of the person's mind.
hmmm... *have a quick scan of my room*
Conclusion: My mind is in a state of mess and chaos.

This entry is so random.
Reason: Theory proven that i need more than 5-6 hours of sleep to formulate cohesive thoughts.

Gooooo sleeeppp...i mean go studyyyyy dreamy. NOW. :(

memorise memorise memorise

the no. of things that im required to memorise for anatomy n pathology is CRAZY!!!!
Its taking me 1 hr to memorise 1 page of lecture notes... and i have hundreds of pages!!! :((

How did i do it in secondary sch?? how did i manage to get 97% for history and 88% for english literature exams last time arh ?? im pretty certain that the amount of things to memorise (8 subjects cumulative) is way way much more than the mountain of notes lying on my desk now.. but how come it feels like im trying to conquer mount everest now with no water n oxygen???? i think at least half of my brain cells must have undergone programmed cell death since then... :((
BRAIN i need you to wake up now!!!

13 more days to go

13 more days to my freedom..i just need to get through this agonising period of 13 days.. in fact, exactly one week from now, i wud have finished my practical exam (the nervewrecking, teethbreaking adrenalinegushing 5 x 7min test stations part 2).. oh god. i cant imagine.
And i thought this week would go by more slowly than last week but it went by so quickly!! and i haven been very productive yet.. oh no!!
I rem exactly one week ago, this time, i was preparing for my final presentation of the semester.. where did all the time go??? i blame facebook. it literally sucks the daylight (and nightlight) out of you..hmm..

on a separate note, i noticed today that my hair has crossed my collar bones le. History making moment. From now on, every inch is a new record. haha.. this means it averages out to be about 0.5inch growth per month? eh normal growth rate is supposed to be 1inch per month rite?!?! what the! im not only losing hair faster than normal, im also growing hair slower than normal.. So much sacrifices to make just for one additional certificate under my belt.. makes one wonder if its worth it..

ANYWAY. enough of all the whining and groaning (sorry, u prob will be reading alot more of whining n groaning for the next coming 13 days.. with the likelihood of increasing intensity and whin-i-ness. so if u wish to skip that, just come back to the blog after the 23th june. You have been warned. In big prints somemore hor. :D)

Where did i stop? Oh yes hair. no no.. my long beautiful mane (some experts prostulate that by lavishing praises on ur 'body parts' u will encourage the release of 'happy' hormones which will be beneficial. heh. you believe?? :D) So going by the rate of 0.5inch per month and given that ive another 5 months here..think my hair mane should reach mid shoulder blade region by that time ba.. go back definitely got to do intensive treatment i wud expect.. otherwise my colleagues/seniors confirm plus guarantee chop sure will 'niao' me at work.

Why does thinking about wat to do with my hair seems more fun than reading the notes in front of me??

Just how badly do you want it?

exactly 14 more days to go before the end of my agony and the start of my break. Been finding it really difficult to sit down n concentrate on the mountain-high pile of notes to absorb into my teeny brain. Need to keep asking myself 'how badly do you want it?' throughout the day to keep myself motivated. Im actually quite surprised that this sentence actually has quite an effect on me. goes to show how badly i want this..
Ajar ajar hwaiting!!!

The secret to non-puffy eyes unrevealed..

Splash icy cold water on your eyes a couple of times when you wake up and before you go to bed.
Repeat this a few times throughout the day for chronic hardcare conditions.
Success guaranteed! :)

AHHHHH

Im going crazy~!!!!
so tired... :((

Crap

I.Feel.Like.Shit.

passed my pract exam but i feel like shit. i think im a lousy physio.

i should probably find someone who can support me and just stay at home and cook/bake.

:(

Catalogue

hee hee.. there is something about looking at food catalogues that is very therapeutic.. especially during periods of high stress.. lol. think this area has not been researched yet..Ah Low, shall we do a research project on this??? :p

ding ding dong

...ding ding dong..
Good evening. This is the library closing supervisor. The library will closing in 45mins. All services and electronic devices will be ceased at that time. If you wish to borrow any items, please take them to level 2 now. Thank you. We hope you had a pleasant time and we hope to see you again.

Okay. the last sentence was added by me. :p wow, i have spent 2 days in a row in the school library - albeit not pouring over my books and memorising every alphabet that is printed in there but instead was doing my assignments and listening to audio files of lectures for the points that id missed in class. So i guess thats not really considered as studying rite?? Die la!! exams in 2 weeks and im not studying yet!!! mm...ok ok dont panic. its impt for me to get my notes in order first otherwise hard to study also rite?? not to mention all the annoying assignments that are due before the exams. so i guess its still time well spent. :) haha.. the power of the mind. classic example of a person in denial. :p

so what am i going to do in the this last 45mins before the library closes? probably will do abit of my final piece of assignment..then leave it to next weekend library session ba. Tonight's time will be completely dedicated to preparation for my clinical exam tomorrow. Wonder what patient will i get? Neck? Thoracic? Back? or peripherals? please please dont be chronic, lots of associated problems, yellow flags, red flags, black flags..
*prays hard*

library day

wow.. its been years since i last spend so many hours in the library.. 7.5 hours of continuous sitting, minus half hour lunch/toilet break.. the last time i did that must have been during cedar days.. somehow i had never been able to regain that stamina ever since.. which is why i am very surprised at myself.. other than the occassional tinge of back ache (which i made sure to stand up and stretch out my back) and tiredness, the time just went by without significant agony or sense of suffering.. although i didnt get to finish all that id planned out to do, i reckon ive been more productive today than any other day in the last few weeks... lol.

exams are drawing very close.. although im feeling quite scared, i also cant wait for it to be over! So contradicting isnt it? i dont like how exams have seem to turn my life upside down... from the way i sleep, behave, feel, eat..i feel so sorry for the hell im putting my body through... i will definitely try to detox for a week after exams man..

overheard my classmate asking my tutor about PhD...the requirements, duration etc etc.. mm..i think this is it for me le... im turning 30 soon.. okay thats still a few years to go strictly speaking... but seriously, thats almost half of my life journey liao.. time to explore other things besides studying... well even if i do study again, i think i will do something else.. like finance or something.. had a module of statistics this semester and i realise that there is something about numbers that interest me.. they understand me and i understand them. We have what most people would describe as.. instant chemistry..

now i just need to find my chemistry with anatomy....

Compliment of the Year

I was paid the nicest and probably the rewarding compliment of the year today in clinics.

I was writing my notes at the desk when my supervisor W suddenly turned to me and asked me "how many years of working experience have you got dreamy before taking up this course?"

Stunned momentarily, i replied "3 years..."

*awkward silence* (in my heart)

W: ..and how many years were in musculoskeletal?

D: ...mm..about 2/3 of the time..so about 2 years.. (dont ask me why i didnt just say 2 years and had to go all fancy)

W: It shows...

D: er... *another awkward pause*

W: (must have read the uncertainty written all over my face, cos he quickly went on to say) ..its a compliment... you are doing well...

D: (completely taken aback & started fumbling over her words ) ..oh....thank you.. eh i thought you meant it shows that im not experienced enough...

W: no no..you are doing well.. *smiles at D*

soooooo happy... if only he is going to be the one doing my clinical exam on monday.. haiz. my other two classmates are so lucky. Both were supervised by him today.. only i will be doing my exam on mon. haiz. praying hard that everything will go smoothly...

small n cute!

Look what i found in my bag of macademia nuts?? Baby maca nut !!

i noe the photo doesnt do it justice.. the focus becomes blur when i try to bring the camera closer so this is as clear as it gets... its really small n cute! i think about the size of the nail of my pinkie. Yup its THAT small! :) and mama maca nut is sitting right next to it! (okay actually there are alot of 'adult' maca nuts in that bag so i dun really noe which is the real 'parent'.. it cud be 'adopted' for all we know.. hee :p )

Latest noose updates (read from bottom up)

dreamy is recovering, slowly but surely, from the dreadful flu.. as you can probably tell from the bo-liao-ness of this entry.. :p

750pm: Bouncy eyebags has reduced in size by 10% from the sheer volume of sleep dreamy is conscientiously accumulating. BUT analysts say that this 'market' correction will not last in view of the approaching june crisis. They believe the situation will worsen in the next few weeks when hours of sleep drop to make up for the decrease in output over the last few days.

707pm: World markets stabilised on the news of possible bailouts and USD$9,000 (S$12,400) beauty cures.

1310pm: World markets are speculating that there would be further deterioriation in eyebags situation. There are rumours being spread that the eyebags may be droopy on top of being bouncy, although head of IEF (International Eyebag Foundation) Dreamy declined to comment on the matter.

12pm: Investors scrambled in panic after the news of deterioriation of eyebags broke loose.

Dear Blogie,
Sorry for neglecting you for the past week.. pls believe me if i told you that you were frequently on my mind.. as many things had happened in the week..however, miss poor-time-management here just have too much backlog in her work to clear.. :(

let me fill you in on the highlights of my week...starting with.... yummy yummy food!! :)

made low-mai-fan and tang yuan with my housemate last friday! :) its my first time in 25 years making tang yuan.. had originally intended to make sesame-filled tang yuans but housemate cudnt find sesame in the asian grocery store..so had to settle with plain ones.. its really simple to make!! (not sure about fillings though..according to housemate's mum aka mama chef guru, its quite difficult to make smooth sesame paste without a commercial blender.. mm..) no more buying of tang yuans for me! will make for family every year from now on.. cant post our photos online yet cos still with housemate.. :)

then housemate made chicken rice for us on weds to cheer us up cos we look so stressed..so sweet!! :) chicken rice was absolutely delicious and fragrant!! im not a big fan of chicken rice to be honest.. but that day, i actually finished my whole plate of rice.. and its not because of courtesy loh...hee..its unbelievably yummy!.. full of chicken essense and tinge of pandan flavour.. and the best thing is it didnt have the oilyness that we often find in our normal hawker fare.. :) and the chicken is so juicy too!.. makes my mouth water just thinking about it now..

mouth watering authentic chicken rice (and homemade chilli!)

its funny how there are always so many things in my head that i wanna write in my blog.. but when i actually get down to writing, the thoughts just strangely disappear from my subconsciousness.. mm..sign of old age.

im now left with 2 more teaching weeks.. then exams wud be just around the corner.. things are starting to wind up in class, but instead of feeling a relief.. stress levels are rising by the second.. cos all of a sudden, everyday is not just a date anymore but a deadline for something. assignments, pract exam, clinic exam, proposal, presentation, portfolio.. everyday i wake up feeling like ive been run over by a truck.. and puffy eyes from the lack of sleep, sugar overload, carbo overload (i realise i crave carbo when im stressed ).. guess what i discovered today? that my eye bags bounce when i jump...im not kidding..

but despite all these.. i know its all worth it when i graduate at the end of the year..(or should i say..IF i graduate at the end of the year.. ) i love this course.. and i definitely love what im learning here.. :)

im only worried that they might not think that im good enough.. or i do not know enough and fail my written papers.. :(

its an awful feeling when u are only as good as wat others think you are..

For sale for sale

Eye bags up for sale.. Buy one get one FREE!!
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Pls leave ur name and contact details if interested and i will get back to you shortly. :)

exhausted

today is one of the longest day i have spent in the library for a long long while.. i rem i used to go to toa payoh library after class (in sec sch) and study till dinnertime. And tat is a good 10 years back..Today, i have been sitting in the same spot for the past 6 hours, minus 1 toilet break and 1 10min lunch break, staring at the screen trying to finish up my anatomy assignment. :(( Well at least id a much more productive afternoon today compared to the last few days..completed my assignment and about 70% of my class presentation as well..just need to do the final touching up and reading prior to my presentation at the end of the month. So taking a short break now before embarking on my assignments for clinics. And guess what, i kenna arrowed to do extra work by my tutor today. (Here also can get arrowed!!! wah lau..really seems like i cannot siam arrows no matter how far i run from sg h) He arrowed me to present on one of my patient during this friday's class discussion.. which means.... more work to do. :(((

speaking of which, i must say this patient of mine really cheers up my monday afternoons (thats the day he normally comes to see me).. really cute boy!! no no..im not harbouring any evil thoughts..hee.. he is just like a younger brother (*ahem* cheryl dear, can consider leh.. want or not?? *winks*)

yest i had a wonderful day at clinics..well, i had a tough time, as my new case was really really complicated.. everything points to compartment syndrome but the official test turned out negative.. my supervisor n i were like "how can that be???" especially after i did my assessment.. and i done all the works. Range, power, reflexes, sensation, pinprick, neurodynamics, nerve palpation, specific muscle testing, joint accessories, general palpation. Anyway, we are quite perplexed. Hopefully her vascular scan today will show up something. cos her symptoms are worsening and her frustration of not being able to run (since xmas) is making her very depressed. Poor gal.. i think i will kill myself if i cannot run anymore..
So with all of these, plus her long history of medical/non-medical consultations, i really thought i did a crappy job with her. So naturally felt like crap. Then my supervisor Mich came over at the end of the day and said "poor you, got all the difficult cases... but i did you did a good job with her."

*FAINTS*

Immediate mood booster.

Walked home with a skip in my step.

hee.

hope everyday can be like that. :)

Its mon again!!!!! where did my weekend go??????

Do you remember.....

Guess what the title of my entry means???
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Okay give you a clue... I just got home not long..and needed to take a shower cos my hair smells..of smoke..
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Still cant guess it??
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I went clubbing tonight.. :p

My very first experience of clubbing in australia.. Wow.. really quite different from back home! I must really thank my housemate for persuading me to go.. Had initially turned her down cos of my overwhelming amount of work and the guilt i feel for not spending every waking moment reading something related to my studies. T_T
But. in the end i caved in to her meek doeful eyes and pleading expression. She is truely a sweet angel. Even tried to bring forward the "event" so that we can go and leave early..but haha she is such a clubber.. cant stop once she gets onto the dance floor.. somewhat reminds me of the younger me. except that she is a fantastic dancer! And she very humbly attributes it to her dancing background... Such a sweet gal! :)

And so i searched through my wardrobe for appropriate clubbing attire but discovered that i had packed my luggage with the assumption that i would not be doing these wild things over here.lol. And i could only wear my only pair of heels which are more for formal night functions... haha.. such a wardrobe malfunction!! but nobody really cares... hee.. the only thing that pple here care about really is... to have fun. :))

Alot of clubs here have free entry..but have to queue for a while outside the club..but it didnt take very long for us to be ushered into the club. Inside, its not as crowded as most clubs or pubs in sg are.. but crowded enough to be "happening" still..i guess the reason is bcos there are just so many clubs around.. so it wud take really alot alot alot of pple to fill all the clubs up..
The guys here are really direct and erm sort of predative.. :p probably not the nicest word to use but cant think of any other word at the moment leh..its 3.30am in the morning lo.. thats why its impt to club with a bunch of guys friends.. today we had an especially big group..think there were 8 guys and 6 girls..so everyone just watched out for each other.. dancing and letting ur hair down is really such an enjoyable thing to do.. especially when surrounded by friends who are fun-loving and not the least bit uptight.

Oh and i forgot to mention.. my housemate's fren brought us to burswood casino before hitting the clubs. and it was my first time entering a private members-only club within the casino itself..everyone there is so polished, well-groomed and well.. smelt of money.. Even the bartender is quite hot too. hahaha..

i am so glad i took the night off and gave myself a break.. Now its time to hit the books.. but i better hit the sacks first.. can fell my system slowly shutting down already....
nite nite..

i feel fat!!

think i will float naturally in the sea with all that adipose tissue around my waist line. :((((


but Red Rock chips are so tasty.. and Starburst helps me concentrate better on my notes... :)))

amazing day!

quick quick ask me how i feel today!!!

i feel awesome!! done two of my favourite things today..
Iceskating and KFC!! hehhee..
its my first time iceskating here in australia and i have always regretted not going in melbourne..but the rink is just too far from the city... whereas today, the sch housing pple organised the entire trip (from entrance fee to transport to and fro) for us, so of cos i jumped at the opportunity!! and guess wats the icing on top of the cake?? It only cost $5!! definitely cant get that price in sg anymore.. the last i checked, it cost about $17-$18 for 2 hours ticket at Leisure Park Ice World. According to my local fren, its about $30 or so for a two hour ticket, so im guessing the housing actually subsided the cost of the ticket for us. Not to mention the two way transport.. woohoo im so lucky!! :))))))

simply cant explain the feeling i had the moment i stepped into the front entrance..i can see the rink from the entrance and all the reservations i had about spending 5 hours on enjoyment just disappeared. From the moment i took the pair of skates from the front counter, pushed aside the plastic sheets at the doorways and breathed in the icy cold air, i was hooked. It was like homecoming. It became apparent to me how long its been since i last skated when i started shivering within 10mins of entering the rink.. i have worn insufficient layers of clothes... my estimation has become very rusty. and i was sure my ability to skate wud be too.. I was right. :(
Felt like a puppy on ice during my first lap..lol. Sure i was freezing by then already. But it was worth it. Even rewarded myself with a cup of hot chips & chicken nuggets..hee. Yes i know what you are thinking.. nope, no icecream for me today. :D I know i wun be able to last on the ice if i had ordered my usual - icecream. Probably wud have become a standing icsicle for the next Ice Statue Exhibition. :p

Then i rounded up my awesome awesome day with a yumm-licious dinner - KFC chicken.. mwahahha..let me count my sins. 3 pieces of hotNspicy plus 2 nuggets (not counting my iceskating ones :p) plus lotsa chips plus coleslaw plus mashed potato. Hohoho. *pats round tummy* the ones here as as good as those in melbourne.. which only means one thing... erm, let me give u a hint.. in melb, kfc was like my staple food esp during exams.. :p

im feeling so happy and sleepy now... if only i dun have classes tomorrow.. then it wud be just perfect. :)

shiver shiver shiver

brrr... either its getting really cold or im falling sick. they are the only two reasons i can think of that explains why i feel chilled to the bones after my shower despite having 3 layers of clothing on.. Temperature check. 17deg. Thats not too bad. Guess it must be option two then.

Have started taking double dose of vit c as well as trying to turn in early.. but my sleeping hours are very much dependent on the pple living around me. so im at their mercy.mm.. came back really early today at 1pm, and quickly took a short nap while the house is nice and quiet. hee. Smart move indeed. Cos doors and kitchen cabinets started their symphony as the rest made their way home at 3-ish and prepared snacks/tea/dinner.
Haiz.

Received a surprise phonecall in the afternoon and it cheered up my blue thursday.. :)

Had the strong urge to go grocery shopping just now.. hee. there are a couple of items on sale this week and am super tempted to buy. the problem is, they are all snacks. :p on any other days, i wud have subcumbed to temptation and grabbed the whole lot. but am already falling sick... shouldnt buy them right? cos i know i definitely will not be able to resist them if they are staring at me from across the room.. plus i really have alot of food in the house.. proper food in fact. proud of me right?? lol..its probably bcos im so busy eating all my snacks that im neglecting the proper food loh.. :p WAIT before you scold me.. i do eat proper food k.. just that i eat the snacks on top of proper food also... *stares at bulging tummy*
Haiz.

(2 packets of Red Rock potato chips for $5...my favourite brand of chips!! should i buy should i buy??? )

Nvm. i will work hard at reducing the tummy when i get back in dec. Now i just want to get through this course.. and if eating snacks make me happy, i shall not deprive myself of that little pleasure. :)
suddenly, i realise that there are probably alot of things that i wanna eat when i get back in dec... hahaha. :)

i wan to eat mummy's porridge.. :((

woohoo!

Survived journal club today! One down, 4 more to go.. (1 assignment, 1 proposal, 2 presentations).. so so many things on the to-do-to-hand-up-to-present list.. and still got clinics on top of all that...no wonder for every single health ailment that i face, the top hypothosis is always....... *drum roll*............ STRESS.

Woke up with my right eye feeling "injured". feels like a capillary has burst except that its not, cos i dont have bloodshot eyes..sometimes its really a pain to be a medical personnel.. you need to be medically correct even when you feel like crap and just want to vent...vent also must vent correctly loh.. or if not ur frens will correct you anyway... lol. so the diagnosis is enlarged capillaries probably from increased pressure (somewhere).

Yes its definitely the stress. (Everywhere)

anyway absolutely joyous that the tedious, dreadful, annoying journal club is OVERRRRR!!!! Plus, we have got a packet of supreme cheese nachos and a packet of forest fruit lollies left over from just now...hehehe.. Hmm still got to attend 5 other journal clubs (one every tuesday) BUT. others are presenting... hehehe..

okay better prepare for my clinics tmr.. only at page 2..of pages 100+++++...
:((((

blur me

i find this so ridiculously funny that i cant resist blogging about it.
Was highlighting some important points on the article i was reading and when i wanted to cap my highlighter (cos wanted to jot some stuff down onto my notes), i cant seem to find the cap! So i put down my highlighter and article on the table and started a thorough strip search of my bed (and even under my bed) but it seemed to have just disappeared into thin air..
Resigned, i went back to the table to pick up my article and highlighter and guess what? The cap miraculously found its own way back to the highlighter! hahaha... have u managed to solve the mystery of the missing cap???? Scroll down if you are still puzzled by the mystery..
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I was biting on the cap while reading the article and had subconsciously capped it back when i placed it and the article down on the table..

LOL.

fuming mad

i am so so so angry now.....i wanna just yelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!

too busy

the time really flies when you are juggling one million things at a time..and that includes the weekend as well unfortunately..

i have this presentation on tues which the gals and i have been working really hard on.. a huge chunk of it is on appraising research articles as well as statistical analysis. but on top of all these, we still need to think about how to facilitate the discussion amongst the entire class which i think is pretty difficult..given the fact that i know how much the entire class hates stats and ebp (evidence based practice) Come to think of it, im also starting to feel some hatred bubbling inside me whenever i see "EBP" on my timetable..am so so glad next sem we are not going to have ebp again.. phew.

oh and did i mention, last night i had the best sleep in days.. have only been clocking 4-5 hours per night for the past one week.. :( but i changed my bedsheets yest and woke up feeling great with the nice crisp smell of new bedsheets filling my nostrils.. i really love the smell of fresh clean sheets.. :)))

clinics is going to start this week.. abit nervous... apparently the school clinic supervisors are quite strict.. i need to be confident. cos i think one very good reason why the angmohs always do better as us is the the way they can just smoke their way through... i dont wish to smoke my way..dunno means dunno.. but need to be confident..must try!!