Im starting to see the humorous side of this.. Took me a while but im getting there.. :)
On sat, the family went out for breakfast + morning walk and haven had time to take out the clothes to dry.. Since i wanted to wash my clothes as well, i took out their clean but wet clothes from the washing machine, put my dirty clothes inside to wash, then hang out all of them to dry. Auntie and old auntie came home, both thanked me for hanging out the clothes.. and the old auntie asked which of them hanging were mine. She said she would help me keep them ( i was going to the library to study) since i hanged out their clothes for them. I said no need, i can keep them the next day but she insisted, "One deed for one deed" in teochew..It was futile to argue so i accepted her offer graciously. And when i came home that night, my clothes were folded and placed nicely on my bed.
Fast forward to today. I washed my clothes this morn and hanged them out to dry before i left for school in the morning. Honestly i didnt expect her to keep my clothes for me.. Dont ask me why, its just a gut feeling. Afterall a calculative person would nv do something tat wud upset the balance in the account books right?
And i wasnt disappointed when i came home. My clothes were still hanging outside. But what i saw when i entered my room completely shocked me.
My thick black jacket was dumped unceremoniously on the floor with a clothes peg still on it.
-.-"
okay, i shld not jump to conclusions. Maybe she didnt dump it on the floor. Maybe she had intended to put it on my bed and it slipped from her weak fingers and slided graciously onto the floor and with her bad knees/back, she was unable to bend and pick it up.
Or maybe she did put it on my bed but the strong wind must have blown it onto the floor.
I find it so hard to convince myself though..
Why only my jacket then?? issit to remind me that i still have clothes outside in case i have forgotten??? LOL.
Im just so so thankful that im not like her. So so thankful. i truely believe everything happens for a reason.. Maybe the reason why i had to cross paths with her and her annoying daughter is so that i will appreciate and cherish my mother more.. for all her annoying traits (like obsession with tidiness/cleanliness), she is one of the most generous souls i know on this planet, if not the most. She is the one that teaches me n my sis to live life with the attitude of abundance, not scarcity. My dad taught us discipline, street-smart-ness and world knowledge but my mum imparted values and life skills that had helped shape me as a person. If you want to do something good, do it from your heart, do it without expecting something in return, she always tells me. It is easier said than done, and even more difficult when it comes to someone who has been mean or has hurt you or you simply just dont like. Someone like the old auntie and daughter.
and i managed to overcome my negative thoughts and revulsion..I know much of the credit must go to my mother and her teachings.
I love you mummy. Im sorry for all the times ive been rude to you.I promise i will try to change..you deserve so much better.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Survived OSPE!
Slept just 4 hours the night before.. was practising in school till 930pm until the brain is so fried. Tried so hard to crack my classmate, even tried what my supervisor told me to do.. "Jump on the patient!".. And so i jumped. and cracked my sternum. Both of us burst out laughing.. it was hilarious. The entire plinth shook and bounced. but the stupid joint didnt go. Grrr... Tried so many methods, adapted from all the advice everyone is giving me.. even did one which i personally thot was quite ridiculous.. (goes to show how dedicated and desperate i was.. haha) On my thrust, i had to lift my head and bring it back down again.. something like a Rock band lead guitarist - whipping his head backwards and forwards.. you get the idea.
Yup, tried that once and not only did it not go, it felt as silly as it looked!
Supervisor said i needed to eat more. hmm.. okay, i shall break my diet vow and follow his advice. Eat more chocolates... heh heh.. Well he didnt exactly specify which food type rite? just said eat more. :D
OPSE went okay. Thank god!! Then we went to chill after that.. I declared yesterday to be day off mah.. must give myself a break. Had dinner with the girls at a really nice Jap restaurant. Ate ox tongue, 10 diff yakitoris, my fav cold tofu, fried squid and of cos, macha icecream. hee. The place didnt have ramen. Think too high class already.. so sad. nvm i shall keep my ramen cravings till when i get back in dec. mwahahahah..
Stopped by the asian groceries store too.. bought 2 mooncakes for myself.. 1 lotus paste with egg yoke and 1 with tau sah paste. Finished one this morning. opps. :X i can already hear some of u scolding me le... i noe i noe..tats the reason why im pui pui.. oh goodness, this also reminds me of the thick cheesy sandwich i made for myself at 12midnight the night before my ospe. >_< (haha but i think its abit difficult.. cos exams are coming.. already stocking up on my starburst lollies, cadbury choc blocks and tim tams..plus got dim sum date tmr!! :p )
2 more months!!!
Yup, tried that once and not only did it not go, it felt as silly as it looked!
Supervisor said i needed to eat more. hmm.. okay, i shall break my diet vow and follow his advice. Eat more chocolates... heh heh.. Well he didnt exactly specify which food type rite? just said eat more. :D
OPSE went okay. Thank god!! Then we went to chill after that.. I declared yesterday to be day off mah.. must give myself a break. Had dinner with the girls at a really nice Jap restaurant. Ate ox tongue, 10 diff yakitoris, my fav cold tofu, fried squid and of cos, macha icecream. hee. The place didnt have ramen. Think too high class already.. so sad. nvm i shall keep my ramen cravings till when i get back in dec. mwahahahah..
Stopped by the asian groceries store too.. bought 2 mooncakes for myself.. 1 lotus paste with egg yoke and 1 with tau sah paste. Finished one this morning. opps. :X i can already hear some of u scolding me le... i noe i noe..tats the reason why im pui pui.. oh goodness, this also reminds me of the thick cheesy sandwich i made for myself at 12midnight the night before my ospe. >_< (haha but i think its abit difficult.. cos exams are coming.. already stocking up on my starburst lollies, cadbury choc blocks and tim tams..plus got dim sum date tmr!! :p )
2 more months!!!
Monday, September 20, 2010
I guess its really true.. Positive energies attract positive energies!
After having a week of absolutely horrid, more negative than negative itself energies ..i used an hour of my precious sleeping time and had a hard think about where i should go from here. And i decided that locking myself up is not going to make me happier than what i am now..which is not happy at all. And if i were to become calculative, then how different would i be compared to the people who made me unhappy??
So i chose the other path. To keep my heart open. And if that means still getting the door slammed right at my face, well at least i can hold my head up high and said i have tried.
and its really liberating.. i woke up still feeling exhausted but a load seems to be lifted off my chest. I have made my decision and i wont look back. which was really great cos there was another negative event that happened in the morning..and if i hadnt have made my decision, i believe i wud have been pushed further down the emotional abyss..
Refusing to let that affect my day, i went about my clinics with a neutral mood..and wow, i had a fantastic day in clinics! 2 exceptionally skilled clinicians with top notch clinical reasoning.. Well, they told us that they would have high expectations of us given this is our last round of clinics before graduation.. and so they would expect from us skills n reasoning of a post-graduate clinician.. but i believe i m going to learn heaps from the both of them! Leo challenged.. or pushed me to manip my patient (lower Tx sp) today.. He asked me if it was my first time manip-ing a pt and i said yes..and he said, well this is the best time to learn and polish my skills. He sat in with me, watched me do it (and of cos i wasnt successful the firs 2 times), he took over, did once (got it of cos!), then asked me to do it again. And i got it this time. well, 2 levels in fact.. hee.. ideally shld be localised to one.. but its okay!! im super duper happy!! cos the pt is quite big and very muscular.. and i was 0% confident of getting it on him.. cos i haven managed to get it successfully on any males before... my skinny ex-supervisor included. So my confidence level is zilch.
And with that newfound confidence and immense happiness, i went about to doing the task i planned with regards to the decision i made last night. i can tell she is surprised..and from the words she said, i know that my gut feeling about her is right. But thats okay. Even if nothing changes. Even if she continues to treat me the same way... it will not bother me as much anymore...because i have already moved on..
i feel happy. :)
After having a week of absolutely horrid, more negative than negative itself energies ..i used an hour of my precious sleeping time and had a hard think about where i should go from here. And i decided that locking myself up is not going to make me happier than what i am now..which is not happy at all. And if i were to become calculative, then how different would i be compared to the people who made me unhappy??
So i chose the other path. To keep my heart open. And if that means still getting the door slammed right at my face, well at least i can hold my head up high and said i have tried.
and its really liberating.. i woke up still feeling exhausted but a load seems to be lifted off my chest. I have made my decision and i wont look back. which was really great cos there was another negative event that happened in the morning..and if i hadnt have made my decision, i believe i wud have been pushed further down the emotional abyss..
Refusing to let that affect my day, i went about my clinics with a neutral mood..and wow, i had a fantastic day in clinics! 2 exceptionally skilled clinicians with top notch clinical reasoning.. Well, they told us that they would have high expectations of us given this is our last round of clinics before graduation.. and so they would expect from us skills n reasoning of a post-graduate clinician.. but i believe i m going to learn heaps from the both of them! Leo challenged.. or pushed me to manip my patient (lower Tx sp) today.. He asked me if it was my first time manip-ing a pt and i said yes..and he said, well this is the best time to learn and polish my skills. He sat in with me, watched me do it (and of cos i wasnt successful the firs 2 times), he took over, did once (got it of cos!), then asked me to do it again. And i got it this time. well, 2 levels in fact.. hee.. ideally shld be localised to one.. but its okay!! im super duper happy!! cos the pt is quite big and very muscular.. and i was 0% confident of getting it on him.. cos i haven managed to get it successfully on any males before... my skinny ex-supervisor included. So my confidence level is zilch.
And with that newfound confidence and immense happiness, i went about to doing the task i planned with regards to the decision i made last night. i can tell she is surprised..and from the words she said, i know that my gut feeling about her is right. But thats okay. Even if nothing changes. Even if she continues to treat me the same way... it will not bother me as much anymore...because i have already moved on..
i feel happy. :)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Unhappy has got to be my middle name lately. I really need to find a way to cheer myself up.
Yest was the first good night rest i had in a long time..but even that wasnt enough. i was awakened at 7am..again. Then they left for church at 815. but by then i cud not fall back to sleep again..
Brain feels so fried. It doesnt help that certain events at home have made me feel unhappy n sad.. Now i dont feel like going home anymore. Its 8pm, and im still in the computer lab in school, despite knowing its pitch dark and unsafe walking home at this time.. compared to the period when i was living in the hostel, no matter how frustrated/tired i was, i wud always try to go home early..only stayed in sch when i needed to get certain work done.. I have consecutively stayed in sch till 9pm for 4 days...simply bcos i dun wan to go home.
Its not always bad though. I rem how uncle very kindly gave me a lift to the train station last friday night at 8pm, so that i didnt have to walk out in the dark and wait in the cold for the bus to take me to the train station. And auntie moved my things over to my room from the theatre room last night as well as made my bed for me. Maybe i shldnt be so hurt by the sister's words.. i should not think that auntie also thinks the same way as her sister. Yah.. just concentrate on my work and assignments and ignore the rest.
sighh..i can hear my bed calling out to me..
Yest was the first good night rest i had in a long time..but even that wasnt enough. i was awakened at 7am..again. Then they left for church at 815. but by then i cud not fall back to sleep again..
Brain feels so fried. It doesnt help that certain events at home have made me feel unhappy n sad.. Now i dont feel like going home anymore. Its 8pm, and im still in the computer lab in school, despite knowing its pitch dark and unsafe walking home at this time.. compared to the period when i was living in the hostel, no matter how frustrated/tired i was, i wud always try to go home early..only stayed in sch when i needed to get certain work done.. I have consecutively stayed in sch till 9pm for 4 days...simply bcos i dun wan to go home.
Its not always bad though. I rem how uncle very kindly gave me a lift to the train station last friday night at 8pm, so that i didnt have to walk out in the dark and wait in the cold for the bus to take me to the train station. And auntie moved my things over to my room from the theatre room last night as well as made my bed for me. Maybe i shldnt be so hurt by the sister's words.. i should not think that auntie also thinks the same way as her sister. Yah.. just concentrate on my work and assignments and ignore the rest.
sighh..i can hear my bed calling out to me..
Friday, September 17, 2010
My body systems are going haywire..
I thought the degree of puffiness of my eyes was bad in may/june period..but i haven experienced it like today.. Blinking is painful. I feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets.. Its such an uncomfortable feeling.. If previously i was affected by the aesthetic aspect.. this time im feeling the physical impact!! Its really hard to concentrate.. you cant stare at something (computer screen, lecturer, lecture notes) for too long.. The only thing you want to do is to keep your eyes closed.
I wonder how much of this is due to lack of sleep?
I have been banished to sleeping in the theatre room cos there are guests in the house. Sofa is comfortable but too cramped. Which is still tolerable, considering i dun really move alot these days cos im so dead tired. The thing that really affects me is the noise level. at 6am in the morn. these guests (especially this particular one) talk alot. really alot. and she is super inconsiderate. Her voice level is not adjusted to the time of the day. She talks loudly in the morn, in the afternoon and even late at night. I can hear her when she is talking to her husband in the toilet. You can just imagine. So yes, i have been awake since 6am..with incredible puffy painful eyes.. absolute misery.
mm..but i believe it has something to do with the amount of coffee im dirnking, maybe? But the max i have been drinking is 2 cups per day though..one in the morn, and one in the afternoon. Thats it.
I really hope the situation will improve when they leave. but im not putting my money on it. Cos auntie's parents will be around till dec and they are very early risers. Sigh..*keeping fingers crossed*
it would be so ironic to discover that i moved place in the hope of getting more quiet n sleep..but achieving none in the end.
2.5 months to go...
I thought the degree of puffiness of my eyes was bad in may/june period..but i haven experienced it like today.. Blinking is painful. I feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets.. Its such an uncomfortable feeling.. If previously i was affected by the aesthetic aspect.. this time im feeling the physical impact!! Its really hard to concentrate.. you cant stare at something (computer screen, lecturer, lecture notes) for too long.. The only thing you want to do is to keep your eyes closed.
I wonder how much of this is due to lack of sleep?
I have been banished to sleeping in the theatre room cos there are guests in the house. Sofa is comfortable but too cramped. Which is still tolerable, considering i dun really move alot these days cos im so dead tired. The thing that really affects me is the noise level. at 6am in the morn. these guests (especially this particular one) talk alot. really alot. and she is super inconsiderate. Her voice level is not adjusted to the time of the day. She talks loudly in the morn, in the afternoon and even late at night. I can hear her when she is talking to her husband in the toilet. You can just imagine. So yes, i have been awake since 6am..with incredible puffy painful eyes.. absolute misery.
mm..but i believe it has something to do with the amount of coffee im dirnking, maybe? But the max i have been drinking is 2 cups per day though..one in the morn, and one in the afternoon. Thats it.
I really hope the situation will improve when they leave. but im not putting my money on it. Cos auntie's parents will be around till dec and they are very early risers. Sigh..*keeping fingers crossed*
it would be so ironic to discover that i moved place in the hope of getting more quiet n sleep..but achieving none in the end.
2.5 months to go...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Bum talking
I know ive been such a bum. Slacked the entire weekend away..doing nothing. okay strictly speaking its not nothing.. i guess its more like nothing contructive, nothing useful to my education, nothing good la! And the reason i gave myself is... i needed the 'rest' from the downright exhausting, brain-cells-killing pain test on thurs. Upon reflection, im seriously impressed by my tutor lah.. Seriously. I think it takes so much brain power to set such cheem questions... So cheem that the entire class had to take >14 hrs to complete. And it was more like 'Wah lau.. brain cannot take it anymore.. Cannot think liao... Aiya heck it , just submit le... Dont care already' kind of submission rather than the 'Ho-sey liao! Confirm full marks, tutor see also happy' kind of attitude.. Seriously no joke. I had one classmate staying up till 5am in the morning before completing the qns... As for me. I concussed at 12 plus.. woke up at 7plus to continue the marathon.
It.
Was.
Crazy.
But its over. Exhausted 5 years of my lifespan though.
Now its time to focus on the assignment that is due on weds. haiz. super unmotivated. See. im already yawning as im writing this sentence. So much for not sleeping until i complete the assignment. Not going to happen. Body is rebelling.....
Told you im a bum.
-.-
It.
Was.
Crazy.
But its over. Exhausted 5 years of my lifespan though.
Now its time to focus on the assignment that is due on weds. haiz. super unmotivated. See. im already yawning as im writing this sentence. So much for not sleeping until i complete the assignment. Not going to happen. Body is rebelling.....
Told you im a bum.
-.-
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Last day at A Hospital
Today is my last day at A Hospital for attachment.. Felt abit sad cos i really like the place and my supervisor. Billy has been most wonderful, patient and knowledgeable. i really really enjoy discussing ideas and learning from him.. The two supervisors at my first clinics were very knowledgeable as well but i guess one had simply intimidated me too much..Billy did intimidate me initially, but at the end, he motivate me more than scared me away..im really thankful to have had the opportunity to learn this senior who did his masters in 2005.
Famous words " you cant treat everyone. Recognising your limitations will only make you a better clinician."
He is kind enough to let me practise my cx manips on him after i finished my notes and transfer summaries today.. still cudnt get my chin hold technique on him.. but i managed to get a cradle hold on him, after much guidance.
Feedback from him: need to work on direction on thrust and speed.
Famous words " you cant treat everyone. Recognising your limitations will only make you a better clinician."
He is kind enough to let me practise my cx manips on him after i finished my notes and transfer summaries today.. still cudnt get my chin hold technique on him.. but i managed to get a cradle hold on him, after much guidance.
Feedback from him: need to work on direction on thrust and speed.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A pain!!
Doing assignments is such a pain!!!
I dont mind if they give 1 assignment per unit.. but they dun believe in china's 'stop at 1' policy loh.. instead, they choose to follow our gahmen's 'pls have 3 or more if you can afford it" policy...
!@#$%^&!@$%
they think we very free issit???
now i noe why xiao qiang came out today..he must have smelt my foul mood n thot got something smelly to eat.... -.-
I dont mind if they give 1 assignment per unit.. but they dun believe in china's 'stop at 1' policy loh.. instead, they choose to follow our gahmen's 'pls have 3 or more if you can afford it" policy...
!@#$%^&!@$%
they think we very free issit???
now i noe why xiao qiang came out today..he must have smelt my foul mood n thot got something smelly to eat.... -.-
Attack of the Roaches!!
AHHHHHH!!! went to make myself a hot cup of lemon honey and suddenly a baby cockroach appearfromnowehereandchargedrightatme!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
in the midst of my panic, i still managed to gather some wits and HOIIIIICK!! plonked a plastic tuperware over the evil nasty creature!
mwahahhahahahahhahahaha. i felt so powerful suddenly, staring at it from across a plastic shield.
ppppfffffffftttttt!!!!!
then my elation left as quickly as it came as it dawned upon me that i may one day need to get rid of the creature.. i cant leave it in the container next to the sink forever right????? what if my auntie/uncle accidentally unleash the evil forces in the morning tomorrow???? the world that we know will surely come to an end... i cant let that happen!!!
but i cant bring myself to kill it. not that im overwhelmed by buddhist teachings on benevolence.. Buddha knows how much i want it dead. Squashed. Exterminated. -.-
As i stood there pondering over my limited options, my saviour appeared suddenly!!!
"AUNNNNTTTTIIE!!!!!!"
And the rest is history.
It is history. heh heh.
I did a victory dance as i walked back to my room, lemon honey in hand.
:)
in the midst of my panic, i still managed to gather some wits and HOIIIIICK!! plonked a plastic tuperware over the evil nasty creature!
mwahahhahahahahhahahaha. i felt so powerful suddenly, staring at it from across a plastic shield.
ppppfffffffftttttt!!!!!
then my elation left as quickly as it came as it dawned upon me that i may one day need to get rid of the creature.. i cant leave it in the container next to the sink forever right????? what if my auntie/uncle accidentally unleash the evil forces in the morning tomorrow???? the world that we know will surely come to an end... i cant let that happen!!!
but i cant bring myself to kill it. not that im overwhelmed by buddhist teachings on benevolence.. Buddha knows how much i want it dead. Squashed. Exterminated. -.-
As i stood there pondering over my limited options, my saviour appeared suddenly!!!
"AUNNNNTTTTIIE!!!!!!"
And the rest is history.
It is history. heh heh.
I did a victory dance as i walked back to my room, lemon honey in hand.
:)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Happy happy day!
I passed my clinical exam!! woohoo!! next wk marks the end of my second placement.. 2 down, 1 more to go. I think clinical exams are so unpredictable. Having had a terrible experience during my first (although i must admit, i did learn alot from my uncountable mistakes) clinical exam in may, i was dreading today's exam...so much so that i cudnt sleep past 7am and had 5x diarrhoea episodes...
My classmate said something to me later on which i cudnt forget.. 'why are u so lacking in confidence?"
hmm..good question.
isnt bcos i think im not studying hard enough ??(well we all noe u wud be a 10x better than wat u are today if u had spent all those time reading news/watching serials/surfing aimlessly onto those articles u were meant to be reading...)
or isnt bcos i have low self esteem?
i think the ans is the former.
Its funny how my supervisor actually questioned me 'why are u doing this?' infront of the patient.. well its what he asked or the way he asked that was funny but more of the response he gave afterward. I was trying to give him my rationale, but u noe.. in a very meek, n uncertain-of-myself manner.. and he said 'im not saying you are wrong. Just wanna noe why. thats all.'
Aiyah.. if they say they are not saying u are wrong, means they are saying u are wrong lah. :DD
Typical singaporean mentality. haha. Well the last i checked, my passport still says Singapore, so ppfffftttt. :P
Anyway it doesnt matter! Important thing is that i cleared another hurdle! 1 step closer to coming home!! :)
My classmate said something to me later on which i cudnt forget.. 'why are u so lacking in confidence?"
hmm..good question.
isnt bcos i think im not studying hard enough ??(well we all noe u wud be a 10x better than wat u are today if u had spent all those time reading news/watching serials/surfing aimlessly onto those articles u were meant to be reading...)
or isnt bcos i have low self esteem?
i think the ans is the former.
Its funny how my supervisor actually questioned me 'why are u doing this?' infront of the patient.. well its what he asked or the way he asked that was funny but more of the response he gave afterward. I was trying to give him my rationale, but u noe.. in a very meek, n uncertain-of-myself manner.. and he said 'im not saying you are wrong. Just wanna noe why. thats all.'
Aiyah.. if they say they are not saying u are wrong, means they are saying u are wrong lah. :DD
Typical singaporean mentality. haha. Well the last i checked, my passport still says Singapore, so ppfffftttt. :P
Anyway it doesnt matter! Important thing is that i cleared another hurdle! 1 step closer to coming home!! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)