Fighting a losing battle

I have a dark secret which is eating me up..Im struggling to break free of it but it's so so hard..
Mentally, I have a thousand n one reasons why I nd to win this battle..but when it comes down to crunch time, I have yet to win a single round..not that I nv put up a fight..
Oh yes, a hell of a fight I put up.. But my efforts have gotten me nowhere except for mass physical destruction..

I'm suffering..and I wish to suffer no more..

It is a secret I can share with no one..

I noe I'm strong..but this is the toughest battle I've ever fought...
Will I be able to do it?

Enough of this nonsense

I had enough of this nonsense! It's always sweet in the beginning but bitter towards the end.
Too much consideration at the start of the relationship n creating false expectations from the other party..laid-back attitude even..whilst I grow inpatient with waiting..
I only have myself to blame. No one else.

No more.

This is the last time.

Omg now I'm even more mad.. Bcos of this, I dropped my iPhone on the floor.. ARGHH!!!!!!!!

Woke up with puffy n swollen eyes..felt slightly better after applying some eye drops..
Nose is also running like a tap..hopefully it ll stop when I reach office.

Has been wearing heels to work lately,albeit on alternate days to allow time for my pampered feet to get accustomed to it. So far so good. Suffered a couple of blisters n had a day of severe aching feet durin the initial phase but stubborn me is not giving up! Part of the reason is bcos I love shoes.. And heels form part of the variety 'shoes' encompasses. During my recent spring cleaning (and shoe stocktaking), Ive found 4 pairs of gorgeous heels which hardly saw the day of light. I cringed at such injust to works of beauty..and thus my new resolution. :)

I've discovered both advantages and disadvantages with wearing heels (must clarify though, they are worn to and fro from work, I slip into flats during work..hee) advantages include instant good posture, fresh air gauranteed in crowded places, pple hear u before they see u..
Disadvantages include Inability to run after bus,train, traffic lights, or even away from a snarling dog :(( it also has repercussions such as being more late than usual due to slower walking speeds :p

But it's worth it :)

Brand new year

My resolutions for 2011:
1) spend time with family - at least 1 family trip, dinner with parents at least 1weekday/week, try not to quarrel with mum or sis
2) focus on work - PT day 2011, research, junior inservices, refine my manip skills, promotion
3) improve my health - eat well, sleep earlier
4) take up dancing lessons (haven decided whether salsa or tango)
5) save at least 20% of my salary
6) listen more, speak less

I can do it! :)

Closure

I finally understood why I haven had much cravings for ramen or jap food..原来每一件事都需要一个完结篇..

Tonight was the first time in my life when i cried together with someone instead of over someone. I felt no anger, no hatred, no regret, no begrudgement.. only sadness. and relief. Relief that i finally could tell you everything that i kept in my heart all these while. Even if the whole world misunderstands me, as long as you know the truth, im contented.

I have never felt that way before. The last hug before you left.. It wasnt a lovers' hug nor a lingering hug. It was a closure hug which we both needed. I could feel your heart-beat during your embrace.. it was as though your heart was sending a moscow-coded message to my broken heart..It was such a sad moment. But despite all the sadness and heaviness, during that instance, i know everything is going to be alright..we will be alright..maybe not today.. maybe not tomorrow or even the week after.. but eventually..

The healing has already begun.

To a beautiful 2011. :)