I feel like a prisoner in the house..

Your worry and your attention to me is a huge burden on me.. So much so on some days I just wish to move out.
Dealing with myself is bad enough without having the additional load of managing your worry..

I need space.. And you are not giving it to me..
I wish not to think that the only way to get breathing air is for me to leave this place...

Musings

People don't care what you know
Until they know that you care..

Reflections of a The mind ( part 1)

It's just a matter of what you want, or is it?
I used to believe that it's vital to any success that you know exactly what you want n work hard to get it.. This formula has served me well throughout my educational years, providing me with rewards that match or exceed, occasionally, my efforts put in.

That, however, all changed when I started working. I saw and realized that efforts do not necessarily equal rewards. Efforts do still equal results, but results don't necessarily translate onto rewards. There are people who climb the ranks seemingly effortlessly.. They prob have made alot of contributions behind the scenes, if you believe your superior or boss for that matter is fair.

Things are not just what you see, there is another side, or a few sides even, to it. I used to hav my doubts and reservations about 'the system'..resulting in many hours of unhappiness and dis-satisfaction, which, looking back now, is probably a necessary process of learning and growing up.

Thrown into a situation, how do you deal with it?
Given an obstacle, do u view it an opportunity or a
Stumbling block?
Faced with a difficult behavior/personality, do you succumb, negotiate or shut off, and how would you so it?

Ultimately, knowing what you know may not be enough to get you through, but it's an important starting point.

Heavens help those who help themselves, or so they say.
I suppose it's true.. And if I truly believe in that, i need to depend on myself now.. Happiness, I realize, lasts briefly only.. You have to find your own 'high', a very wise senior told me yest.
That is something relatively difficult for me to do at the moment.. Not bcos I'm lazy, but bcos I
Just plain exhausted.
Give me a bed anytime n I can prob fall asleep instantly.. Statement proven earlier at work when I laid on the plinth and dozed off for 15 mins. This coming from a person who has difficulty sleeping anywhere outside her own home and bee, is nothing short of a miracle..

Choices we make in life...

If I don't stop what I'm doing to myself, I think I ll die...

Pls find the strength..

Eat, Pray, Love

What a week.

Lost my voice completely for 4 days.. Went on mc for 4 days bcos there is simply no voice to see pts with.. Have nv been so bored in my life before.. This must be what they called the silent torture..

But I've recovered abt 70% of myvoice.. But we shall see how a day of work will do to it .. Lol

Last week I've been deAlt with more surprises other than waking up one morn without my voice.. Having 2 pple showing affection for you all in the same week is a tad too much for me..firstly it's the last thing I'm expecting, secondly I'm made up my mind to stay free of matters of the heart indefinitely.. Or wat they usually say in the corporate world :" until further notice...."
Both are awesome pple with great hearts.. One Ive known for years and the other I wud like to know better.. as friends..for now..

With so much time to spare during my mc, it would be a lie if I said I nv thought of this matters... But my mind n heart is nothing but a tangled mess, so I give up. I m right. I'm not ready for anything.. I need to love myself first before I can love anyone.. And even then, I may still prefer the single life.. Less complications.. Less heartache.. Less issues..

Looking forward to seeing my pts!! :)

48 hours of silence

I survived 48 hrs of silence.. Ok it's not complete silence since I did talk to pple here n there but it was as close to silence I ve ever tried before... N today the doc ordered another 48 hrs of silence for me.. Saying my recovery is too slow.. Regained abt 20% of my voice this morn :(( but now it's slightly better.. I think got abt 30-40% ba.. But tats in terms of strength.. Sound quality still leaves much To be Desired.. Still vv hoarse n coArse .. Hmm.. But I'm really fortunate to have minimal pain in my throat.. So thankful! Neither do I have fever or much Phelgm or running nose..cardinal signs of flu.. phew..

But staying at home is so boring!! ESP when I'm feel fine except for talking.. So I sneaked out today to have my hair cut n a faciAl too.. Hee wah now my face so painful n red.. The therapist squeezed so many Pimples tat I look like a red Pineapple.. Eh the description is abit funny but nvm.. I'm under the influence of cough syrup which seriously is like morphine!!!! My god it makes me so drowsy I think I dun really wan to b under the influence of morphine ever..hmmm..

Ahh the weekend is almost here.. So happy! :) I just hoPE my voice returns soon... Pls pls pls..